Is this the worst DM ever?

I had someone slide in my LinkedIn messages yesterday:

“Allow me to introduce myself. I serve as the programme director for [name redacted to protect the incompetent], a coaching/consulting community that I hold close to my heart. Engaging with like-minded professionals, sharing ideas, and providing support brings me immense joy and value. Would you be open to arranging a brief and relaxed 15-minute conversation in the near future to exchange perspectives?”

So much wrong with this approach.

Lemme break it down:

1: Archaic, ridiculous opener. Sounds like something a Victorian gentleman might say at a dinner party. “Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Finbar Catermole, but you can call me Moley”.

2: Second sentence – “I serve as”. Such a low-status framing. They might as well be saying “I don’t have any original ideas, so I leave that to smarter people who pay me a stipend to help them build their dreams.”

3: “I hold close to my heart”. What, like a pacemaker (LOL)? And who cares what they hold close to their heart anyway? Why would I want to join in with that?

4: Lame-ass attempt at benefit statements – “Like-minded professionals (YUK)…sharing ideas…providing support” – so sickeningly vanilla they have zero impact on anyone reading them.

5: “Brings me immense joy and value” – again, who cares what it brings them? Tell me what it might bring me, assuming that’s anything at all.

6: Final sentence reads like begging, simpering – “Would you be open?” – and contains zero possible benefit to the reader. “Exchange perspectives”?! – what does that even mean, and why would anyone want to do that?

7: To their credit, they’re only proposing I waste 15 minutes of my precious, irreplaceable life indulging their nonsense, so that’s something, I guess.

Don’t write stuff like this, ever.

In summary…

If you’re going to pull the trigger and disturb someone’s morning with a direct message, make it entertaining and useful.

Even just useful would be a step forward.

Love you lots

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